Day 19: A Few Things I Don’t Understand

Sometimes I sit around wondering about things.  Tonight I am writing this blog with a horrendous headache and in a state of utter exhaustion.  In other words, I’m regretting the 30 day commitment and could not be more excited for when creative energy can stop being something I force by the skin of my teeth.  Right now this begrudged blog is the only thing standing between me and watching the BBC show “Sherlock” with a gluten free brownie and a glass of cold almond milk, so I’m rather eager to pound it out.  If this attitude bothers you, then I apologize.

I don’t really understand fake fruit as a decorative pursuit.  If you want people to think you have food in your home, have real food.  There is nothing charming about fake fruit any more than those who decorate with fake pies.  It’s a tease.  I also don’t like it when people decorate with chickens in their kitchen.  How does a chicken communicate the sense of being at home?  Moreover, why is the chicken the chosen calling card of country living simply because it is so widely consumed?  Perhaps we should decorate our homes with hydrogenated oils and high fructose corn syrup.  I think it would be just as cute.  One time in Marshalls I saw a decorative chicken that was actually made OF fake fruit, and I stood stupefied that everything I dislike about home decor had come together in that monstrosity.

I find crop tops very confusing and mostly I’m irritated that they have returned as a fashion trend because they look terrible on me.  I don’t think they look nice of anybody.  And yet we are all victims to changing trends, which means we must embrace on some level the new things that become popular and/or patiently wait for the things we like to return to the kingdom of current style.  I myself don’t care for fashion.  When I was working as a substitute teacher I wore the exact same outfit every day because I didn’t see the same people twice.  Now I am expected to come up with original outfits daily, and I feel this is a completely unfair expectation which I have more than once silently protested against by repeating my sweaters on top of different camisoles.  We all stick it to the man in different ways, I guess.

The best way to identify a product that is unnecessary is when the person using it in the commercial is doing something no one does.  Super sharp knives that cut through pennies?  When will I ever have to do something like that?  The US Mint seems to have things under control, yet as I lay awake watching television at 2:00am I see someone in a bad sweater trying to sell me a knife that says otherwise.  I feel the same way when I see car commercials and the driver is trekking through a dessert or what appear to be the Swiss Alps.  I don’t think people get trapped in the dessert with all-terrain tires.  I think the kinds of situations that end with being trapped in the dessert (being a character in a movie where time travel goes wrong) do not happen to ordinary people, especially those with the foresight to prepare for it.  if you’re trapped in the dessert, chances are you’re on foot and are looking desperately for your camel.  A car will not help you unless you can sell it to repay your drug debts.  But perhaps I’m too hard on commercials because I can’t for the life of me get my iPhone to read text messages to me like that guy on the commercial.

Sunscreen confuses me, especially when the numbers get really high or low.  I can’t imagine SPF 4 is doing anything, and I’m pretty sure SPF 100 is also known as “staying inside the house”.  I understand the middle ground, although I am reasonably skeptical of anything that promises to harass and tame the rays of the sun for $4.99 a bottle.  I just can’t imagine we can have that much power for so little money.

If I can think of any other confusing things, I will be sure to write again.  But this was what was on my mind right now.


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