Last night, for kicks, my fiancé read me a list of the top 100 baby names for each respective gender and asked me to offer gut reactions to each one of them. He must have picked up somewhere along the way that I have strong feelings about the names of children, both the ones I hope to one day produce and the names of other children. It took a while to get through the list and he offered his opinion too, which illuminated areas in which we are indeed quite different.
Later in the day he text me to alert me that Robert Downy Jr. had just named his newest addition “Exton Elias”. He then sent me an article which astounded me, as it reported strange baby monikers that celebrities choose as the calling card of their children. I do not know what to say when I read that actress Shannyn Sossamon and kickboxing instructor Dallas Clayton have a child named “Audio Science”, and I am even more incredulous when I consider that he may end up in the same Mommy and Me group as “Jason Lee’s son “Pilot Inspektor”. Imagine my pity for Ving Rhames son (or daughter, I’m not sure which), whose spelling of “Reignbeau” can hardly be found a pencil at the Dollar Store.
Fame makes some people do some crazy things, but must the craziness be visited upon celebrity children? If stars wish to attract attention to their children, they must consider that the children have enough attention actually BEING celebrity children, which is hardly an easy thing to handle. Perhaps it is not about the name, perhaps it is about originality. Now this I can relate to, having a few odd names favored myself for the possible future. But honestly, John Mellencamp, “Speck Wildhorse”? This is the handle you’ve chosen for your child to take through life with them. At this point, you might as well just let the kid name his or herself.
In the end, what is really in a celebrity baby name is more than likely the celebrity parent more than anything else. That being said, I have no idea what other parents are thinking, having substitute taught at my share of elementary schools in this day and age. When I helped little Santa Barbara hold a drawing pencil correctly in an art classroom, I hope I was able to control my eye roll.